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I'm finding myself contemplating the value of what I'm doing with my life recently. I suppose much of this comes from seeing close friends start to realize some of their dreams. Marriage and family, the start of an online metaphysical supply shop, work towards a paranormal investigations group and a spiritual center, a career in the coast guard... so many things seem to be falling into place for them, because they have had a sense of direction. Me... I wander. I write. I paint. I fly to faraway locales and find myself in the wilds, perhaps somewhat content, but... I still feel I lack direction. But, what direction do I want to take? I've agonized over this for years, and I've never come to a conclusion that seems to be worthwhile. Do I truly need a direction, a purpose? Would life simply be meaningless, a waste, if I released the need to be driven by some goal? Am I my intent? Must I have a Story? Or is life better lived in the moment, day by day, immersed in the beauty and splendour, the joy and sadness, the longing, the peace and chaos that is found in the universe? Every day, touching something that perhaps is a little beyond sight. Walking between the worlds, reflecting it in art and writing and dreaming. Is that my Story?
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Last night, I stepped out of the staff caff, on my way back to my room, and stopped to look at the stars. It was slightly hazy, but everything was clearly visible. One especially bright star caught my attention. It seemed to be in an odd location, actually, and as I watched it, it began to dance around in jerky, almost circular movements. I watched it for several minutes, trying to ascertain what it could be. My first thought was a satellite, but they move in a smooth line. An aircraft? Again, they don't move with that jerky, erratic pattern. It was definitely up high, above the haze. One of the guys stepped out of the staff caff at that point, and the "star" stopped its strange little dance, and flew straight up until it disappeared.

I really couldn't say what it was. File that one under "as yet unexplained..."


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January 2014



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