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Jun. 21st, 2009 01:12 pm![[personal profile]](http://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
siren_echoesToday is the Summer Solstice. Unfortunately, I work, but I think I will slip outside, behind the building, into the woods during my break around dusk and give a little greeting.
I have realized how utterly addicted to and dependent upon linear, to-the-minute time scheduling I have become. A large part of this is because if I don't get to work on time, I will be lambasted, or if I don't get to meals in time (often even within a few minutes), I won't be able to eat unless I go to the store and spend more money than I'm already paying. I am a responsible adult, after all, and responsible adults are not late to work or appointments. (Yes, we still have to pay for the meals we don't eat). It has become a subconscious habit, this continual looking at the clock or a watch. I tried the other day to spend the day without a watch on. It was all I could do not to look for some sort of time telling device every few minutes (especially while I was at work, and the clock was on the wall over the door). How does one move beyond this utter dependence on second-to-second-to-second living, that is always looking to the future, to what will be coming at such-and-such o'clock, but it hasn't happened yet and so it's really something in your mind-- and simply learn to live in the Now, where all blends and melds and becomes Real? There is something so freeing about just being in the moment, a clarity and life-power that washes over you, brings you to a heightened level of awareness and being and peace... and it is so very, very hard to maintain this state, in this society driven mercilessly by linear time.
I have realized how utterly addicted to and dependent upon linear, to-the-minute time scheduling I have become. A large part of this is because if I don't get to work on time, I will be lambasted, or if I don't get to meals in time (often even within a few minutes), I won't be able to eat unless I go to the store and spend more money than I'm already paying. I am a responsible adult, after all, and responsible adults are not late to work or appointments. (Yes, we still have to pay for the meals we don't eat). It has become a subconscious habit, this continual looking at the clock or a watch. I tried the other day to spend the day without a watch on. It was all I could do not to look for some sort of time telling device every few minutes (especially while I was at work, and the clock was on the wall over the door). How does one move beyond this utter dependence on second-to-second-to-second living, that is always looking to the future, to what will be coming at such-and-such o'clock, but it hasn't happened yet and so it's really something in your mind-- and simply learn to live in the Now, where all blends and melds and becomes Real? There is something so freeing about just being in the moment, a clarity and life-power that washes over you, brings you to a heightened level of awareness and being and peace... and it is so very, very hard to maintain this state, in this society driven mercilessly by linear time.